I want to share Karolina’s story of her journey with goal setting. As you will see when you read the story she tells, it can take a little while to get your head around the different way I approach goal setting in my workshops. I call it Inside out Goal Setting because instead of focussing laser like on the destination and striving hard for that, we start with what really matters by identifying your personal values and, importantly, how you want life to feel. Knowing how you want to feel along the way is the key that gives you freedom to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
Kaz has her own Physio and Pilates business. She’s energetic and loves having big targets to reach for but, as she discovered, focussing on the feeling behind her goals made all the difference for her when it came down to it. Look what cleaning out your bag can do ladies! That is where she rediscovered her Map Your Life notes and decided to shift her focus.
Here’s Karolina’s story
Last year I did Derrin’s ‘Life Mapping’ workshop, at a time where (although I didn’t realize it then) I was very overwhelmed with my life. At the time I had some pretty specific goals:
- To do the New York City Marathon in 2017,
- To be able to hold a handstand for 1 min
- To create an online Pilates channel, and share videos of home exercise and other Pilates and exercise related videos
- To have/buy/build a home with my partner Iain, and to have a vegie patch.
What I got out of the workshop was that while it was great to have goals, it was important to align your goals with your core values and how the goals you set make you feel, so they are aligned with the purpose and values that shape your life. I actually found this a little hard, as I had never really thought about goals this way. What I came up with was the following, related to my above goals:
- To feel fit, healthy & focused
- To feel strong & focused
- To feel helpful & ‘of service’
- To feel settled and nurturing
Slipping into the negative
For some reason after the workshop, I lost focus of these and I became too engrossed with trying to build my business. I started to put my work first and this made me stressed and anxious. When I am stressed and anxious I start to eat bad foods which in turn makes me feel like crap and results in negative thinking.
I started to see only the barriers to my goals: its too expensive to go to NYC to run the marathon in 2017, plus my running was slow and hard. My money situation had also become messy (past tax issues surfaced and I had to change accountants), the reality was that I was in a lot of personal debt, and I also saw only the negative of that (I can’t go and get my nails done, my facials, my regular shopping, which was something I used to distract and reward myself with).
It was the first proper ‘crisis’ I had actually experienced and it really stressed me out. What I did to distract myself was sign up for a 1/2 Ironman, not because I really wanted to do it, although I am very proud that I did, but because I needed to prove that I could get through such a tough challenge. In training for this I had an accident; I fell of my bike and I dislocated my left elbow and was unable to work and train properly for 5 weeks. But I did not let this stop me, and I pushed through and completed the 1/2 Ironman. Everyone thought I was amazing, but really it was pretty stupid.
After the 1/2 Ironman, I ended up with gastritis and adrenal fatigue which lasted for about 2 months after the event. I got so frustrated with myself, I thought I had to be perfect. I just had a moment where I ‘gave up’ and said I am sick of trying so hard. I also had a very candid talk with my boyfriend, and rather then feeling ashamed and in denial about my bad money traits and my debt, we came up with a plan to pay things off, and also a budget that worked well for both of us. Basically I did a lot of much needed adulting 🙂
Finding a new focus
After that, I felt relief and I went back to the Life Mapping goals I had made and decided that I would focus on the feelings that I wanted to feel: Fit, healthy, strong and focused, settled and nurturing. And so I booked in all the medical check ups I had been putting off, and I finally sat down and wrote out a food plan to get my gut health under control.
And, about two weeks after I had finally started to feel ‘Fit, healthy & focused, BAM: we won a free trip to New York Marathon! My boyfriend and I also got a great deal on land and a house to build, and I finally started to post on my Pilates YouTube channel, a free 100 day Pilates Challenge, receiving great feedback from clients about how much it has helped them, which made me feel helpful and of service. I also started to do Yoga and to meditate, which made me feel strong and focused, with out needing to do a handstand for one minute (which, by the way, I WILL one day do…) 🙂
I understand now that my goals are a process not just a destination, a reflection of what I am, of what I feel and I am grateful that I can ‘feel’ the process of my goals everyday of my life. I also think it is so cool that my goals can change (yoga instead of handstands for example), but I can still feel like I have actually achieved something, as I still feel the feeling, the essence of what attracted me to the goal. It gives me purpose and connects me to the universe, whom I know is always there to give me what I truly need and deserve, but only if I stay true to my self, my feelings, the essence of what makes me, me!
Thank you Derrin, for helping me to get in touch with myself and the abundant universe!
If you want to shift from striving to enjoying the journey like Karolina did, let me know. Or have a look at the Inside out Goal Setting workshop and see if it resonates with you.
How would it change your life for the journey to feel the way you want the destination to feel?